We’ve gathered some voices from the Pulse community in the German-speaking world and want to share them with you. What are your challenges? What are your tips and tricks? Feel free to send us an email.

Nele, 15, writes:

What are your smartphone rules at home? During the week I get 2 hours a day, and on weekends I get 2 hours 30 minutes. But if I need more, I can talk to my parents, and depending on the situation I get a bit more. I’m not allowed to use social media apps like Instagram, TikTok, Twitter and apps like that. But I do have Snapchat, YouTube and WhatsApp. I have clear rules for Snapchat, for example that I’m not allowed to accept people I don’t know. If my phone rings and I don’t recognize the number, I’m not allowed to answer either.

Are you happy with these rules or not? Why? I’m actually happy with these rules. Sometimes it’s a bit annoying, though, for example when I’d like to play on my phone a little longer, or that I’m not allowed to have Instagram or TikTok. But on the other hand, I’m really grateful that I don’t have it, because that way I don’t feel pressure to constantly check my phone and see what everyone else is doing, and then maybe end up unhappier when I see all the cool stuff they’re doing while I’m just at home.

What do you love about your smartphone? Where do you see dangers? Having a smartphone really has a lot of advantages. I see the big danger in social media. Everyone wants to show their best side and present how cool they are, and you’re constantly comparing yourself to others, and I don’t think that’s good. Plus, the phone is pretty distracting, and it can easily become an addiction.

Sofia, 13, writes:

What are your smartphone rules at home? I actually have almost exactly the same rules as Nele: no TikTok, no Instagram, but I don’t have Snapchat yet either. I’m only allowed to have it when I’m 14. But I do have YouTube and WhatsApp. I get 1.5 hours of phone time a day during the week, 1 hour 45 minutes on weekends and usually 2 hours during school breaks. When we’re on vacation, for example, I take a lot of photos, and then I get more time to edit and sort them. If I sometimes need more time, I talk to my parents and then I get more time.

Are you happy with these rules or not? Why? I actually think these rules are really good. I don’t have too much or too little phone time, and I can still get my homework done. I don’t spend that much time on YouTube at all. I spend most of my phone time on WhatsApp, texting with friends. That’s really important to me.

What do you love about your smartphone? Where do you see dangers? I think my phone is great, because I also make a lot of calls with it. For example, I call my parents when I’m going to tutoring after school, so they know where I am. What annoys me about my phone, and where I see the danger, is that it always distracts you from whatever you’re doing, and you always have to look at it right away when new messages come in, because of course I want to know who wrote what. Another thing I find annoying and exhausting when I watch YouTube videos is that you always see other people’s supposedly perfect lives.

Nicole and Holger, parents of teens, write:

What opened our eyes: A few years ago we gave up social media during Lent. That time was an eye-opener for us. Only then did we notice how dependent we had actually been on our phones, how much time they had stolen from us and how much they had affected our emotions and, honestly, our self-worth too. Because the break had done us so much good, we decided that for us personally it’s better to keep staying off social media.

Best approach: As parents we’re on the same page, we hold ourselves accountable as role models, and we talk about smartphones with our daughters again and again, in depth. We set clear rules, but we’re not rigid. As they get older, we keep adjusting their phone time, as well as their access to certain apps.

The most important thing for us is to keep talking and not lose touch with our daughters.

Janine, a mom, writes:

Biggest challenge: Our biggest challenge was setting up parental controls that really work on our devices. I had been looking for suitable filter software for 2 years. JusProg (a German filter program) and similar ones unfortunately just restrict browsing drastically to a whitelist, but many harmful sites (new ones every day) aren’t covered yet. That leads to frustration for kids and parents.

Best approach: We installed the Canopy parental control app for our kids, and it really does filter pornographic images and videos, depending on the parents’ settings. I tested it with Pink’s video “Try” and similar well-known music videos. Unfortunately, there’s no other comparable app that filters in real time when you open a website, and at around 10 euros a month it’s cheaper than others that can’t do that. It also works very well in Germany, and the AI behind it is currently being fed information on violent images, for example, so that it can protect even more in the future.

Apart from that, when it comes to screen time and our kids’ self-discipline in gaming and watching videos, we’re still very much learning ourselves.

A 17-year-old reader writes:

Biggest blessing and biggest challenge: For me, the phone was two things:

  1. Access to community (super important). Being able to be part of my class, my youth group and my group of friends, and even my long-distance relationship, worked mostly through my smartphone.
  2. Access to a world that’s fighting for my attention. To this day I’m convinced that if you don’t set limits for your child, you’re sending them onto a battlefield where they can only lose. The phone deliberately uses addictive tactics, and kids and teenagers are even more vulnerable to them.
I actually have full access to my phone myself. But I voluntarily put a time limit on certain apps behind a password that I don’t know… (thanks to good friends)

Best approach: Parents, please ask exactly what your kids are doing! “YouTube” isn’t enough of an answer. “YouTube” can be anything from Christian messages to secular fun to pornography (YES, pornography).
Please explain why you have certain rules in your home, and (!) stick to these or similar rules yourselves. If your kids see you downplaying your own screen use, they’ll do the same.
Please take the time to talk openly with your kids about things like the dangers of the internet, pornography and violence. And if you notice that your teenager is struggling with their screen use, talk openly and don’t immediately condemn everything. Many teenagers escape because they’re hurting in some way. (I did too.)

Marianne, mom of a teen, writes:

Biggest challenge: I find it really hard to cut off social interactions. I can stop TikTok without any problem, but shutting down conversations feels harsh to me. After all, I wouldn’t want to have to keep interrupting my own conversations with my friends either.
At the same time, I hate it when I’m talking to my teen and he’s staring at his phone. Or when he goes double digital: TV and phone at once.

Best approaches:

  1. I limit screen TIME. Everyone has times when they can’t answer right away, for example at school, at work or at sports practice. So why not introduce a time like that at home too? And FOMO (fear of missing out) is rarely justified. What is very real, though, is the risk of developing addictive behavior. But I’m more generous with WhatsApp and Snapchat. We negotiate the time for those.
  2. I give my teen little challenges that spark his ambition, for example 30 minutes without looking at his phone. Or putting it on silent and setting it aside (outsmarting himself). So it’s a little training in personal responsibility and self-control.
  3. I offer my son cool alternatives to keep him busy, so that afterward he can pick up his phone again with a clear conscience. In other words, alternating activities with phone time.
  4. I only talk to him when he’s not looking at his phone. Otherwise I stop immediately and turn away. If I have something important to discuss, I insist that he put his phone away before I start.

Zoe, 15, answers:

  1. What are your smartphone rules at home? I have about 3 hours of phone time, and I’m not allowed to have things like Instagram or TikTok.
  2. Are you happy with them or unhappy? If so, with which rule? I’m happy with the rules, because otherwise I’d be on my phone way too much, and that could also lead to an addiction.
  3. Where do you see dangers, for yourself and for your friends? What stresses you out and what do you love about your smartphone? I think if we’re on our phones too much, we miss out on real life too often, and in the worst case we become dependent on them. It also makes our attention span worse.

Kerstin, a psychologist, writes:

We gave our older sons a smartphone for their 11th birthday without really thinking it through. With our youngest son (10), I didn’t want to do it that early again, mainly because of how much conflict there can be over screen time limits. So I went looking for well-founded recommendations… Among other things, I came across the German parents’ initiative “Smarter Start ab 14” (in German), Silke Müller’s German book “Wir verlieren unsere Kinder” (“We’re losing our children”) and Jonathan Haidt’s book “The Anxious Generation.” What they all have in common: they recommend, with very good arguments, that children under 14 shouldn’t own a smartphone if at all possible.

Since I’m a psychologist, I read Haidt’s book with particular interest. I found it very thoroughly researched and very convincingly presented. Haidt sees smartphone use that starts too early, or the uncontrolled online activity of kids and teenagers that comes with it, as one of the causes of the mental health crisis teenagers are currently in. In fact, there are a great many scientific studies internationally on the use of smartphones and social media. They show, for example, links between excessive use and physical and mental health variables, concentration and academic performance, and the development of addiction.

Not all researchers agree with Haidt. Some say the correlations are too weak, that they aren’t causal (meaning it’s not clear whether media use is really the cause or rather the result) or that they can’t be applied to Germany. By now, though, there are studies in Germany too suggesting that excessive smartphone or social media use can have a negative effect on mental health (and other aspects). I find studies especially interesting that look at what happens when people reduce their own time on their smartphone (or on social media) over a period of one or two weeks. Most of these studies show improved mental health as a result of reducing screen time.

One last thing: internationally, more and more voices see “unregulated social media” as one of the causes of the rise in mental illness. Most recently, for example, the Lancet Psychiatry Commission on youth mental health.

So based on what I’ve reviewed so far, the research overall suggests taking the effects of (social) media on kids and teenagers very seriously. One of the conclusions I’m drawing for myself: our youngest son will get his first smartphone later… whether we’ll manage to hold off until he’s 14, I don’t know yet 😊.

As you can see, the question of how to guide kids and teenagers in using smartphones is something our community cares about. The statistics, opinions and appeals on the topic seem very diverse. At the same time, we have to make decisions about our kids’ smartphone use almost every day.
What are your challenges? What are your tips and tricks? Your thoughts are worth their weight in gold to other parents. So let us know how you handle it and send us an email.

English version: October 2026

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