Identity Between Being and Change (3/3)

“Are we there yet?”

A question that moms and dads probably aren’t the only ones to hear from the back seats of their cars … Now and then (with a deep sigh), a New Adult or two will also ask themselves: When will I finally get there? When will I have searched enough, and when can I say: I’m there. I’ve arrived. I’ve found it, my identity. I know who I am.
And is that even possible? Can the question of identity really be settled conclusively, once and for all?

Identity between being and change

Identity, as Erikson puts it, rests on two observations: “the immediate perception of one’s own sameness and continuity in time, and the related perception that others also recognize this sameness and continuity” (paraphrased).¹ In other words: A person perceives themselves as the same person in different situations and across different stages of life. And other people do too. You know who you are. And you live it out.

But how do words like “sameness,” “continuity” and “arriving” even fit into our time? Into a constantly changing society and a constantly changing life? Because let’s be honest, no matter how old you are: Probably not everything will stay the way it is. Who knows whether in a few years you’ll realize you want to change careers again.

Would that mean you hadn’t found your identity up to that point? What if convictions change, relationships fall apart, your job is cut, life happens? Does that turn us and our identity upside down, so that we start all over again? Are being and change two mutually exclusive poles?

Identity isn’t something rigid. Erikson, too, describes identity as something that adapts imperceptibly to new goals, experiences and circumstances over the course of a lifetime.²

So the question is: What does it mean to develop and preserve a sense of sameness and continuity, that is, a sense of identity, in the midst of individual and social change and in the midst of an identity that keeps on developing?

The key lies in the word “coherence.” The word comes from Latin (cohaerentia) and means “connection.” In relation to your own life and a person’s identity, it means understanding the connection: the connection between your own life story so far (that is, the past), your current challenges and opportunities (that is, the present) and your ideas about the future. It’s about making a meaningful connection between these three aspects, finding the common thread.³

Coherence can include both continuity and change. And more than that: Fragments, contradictions and open questions can find a place, too, as long as they are linked with each other, when the meaning, the connection, the common thread in all of it is perceived.⁴

It’s about making a meaningful connection between the past you’ve lived, the present and the future, and finding the common thread in it.

This sense of coherence, of connection in your own life, is of central importance for developing your own identity.

What it takes

It takes stories.

Because coherence, according to what is called narrative theory, is constructed through stories.⁵

“Narratives and stories were and remain the unique human way of ordering, processing and grasping our own experience. Only in a story, in an ordered sequence of events and their interpretation, does the chaos of impressions and experiences that every person is subjected to every day gain a certain structure, perhaps even a meaning.”⁶ (Heiner Keupp)

McAdams’s approach of “narrative life stories” builds on Erikson’s idea that the past, the present and the future all have their place in the development of identity.⁷

While telling their story, the storyteller tries to bring a coherent and meaningful order to the various scenes, characters and events of their own life, as well as to possible ideas and perspectives for the future.⁸ After all, we want our story to make sense, for ourselves and for others. Or, in other words: we want it to be coherent.

And so we tell our identity: who we are, how we became who we are, and where we think the road will take us next.⁹ And more than that: It isn’t only the beautiful and easy parts that get their place. Biographical breaks and turning points are also processed and perceived and presented as events that shape our identity.¹⁰ It’s also about understanding that crises in your own life have led to changes and so to a bit more maturity and identity.

It is about “a process of construction and revision that relates to one’s whole life and actively creates a coherent identity over time.”¹¹

The bottom line

Identity can be found. And yet the development of your own identity never stops; it’s a lifelong process. Being and change don’t exclude each other.

The challenge and task of New Adults (and not only New Adults) is to bring their own biography, everything that has come to be and everything that is, into a meaningful connection, to find the common thread in their own life, and to keep spinning it into the future. Because understanding the past and your current reality, discovering meaning, connection and order, and being able to make sense of breaks and turning points also helps you find your direction for the future.

Because when you know who you are and how you became the person you are, you’re also more likely to know which direction you can go from here, what makes sense and fits, and also what doesn’t.

How can you support New Adults in their search for identity?

• Ask questions and let them tell you stories! “How did that happen?” “How did you feel?” “What moved you to do that?” “Did it change you?” “What did you learn from it for the future?” Help New Adults understand themselves and their lives better, recognize connections and so, to some extent, find themselves, their own identity.
• Life story work helps you perceive, reflect on and understand your own story so far. And it helps you develop your own ideas, hopes and goals for the future. So build elements of life story work into your work with New Adults! To narrow things down a bit, you can also do this in relation to particular areas, such as faith, career or relationships.
• Encourage New Adults! Change is still possible even after decisions have been made. After all, good stories thrive on unexpected twists, new chapters and a solid story arc!

1. Erikson, Erik H. (1973: 18): Identität und Lebenszyklus, Frankfurt am Main: Suhrkamp Verlag (in German). The quote is translated from this German edition.
2. Cf. Abels, Heinz (2017: 232): Identität, 3rd ed., Wiesbaden: Springer VS (in German).
3. Cf. Abels, Heinz (2017: 232, 423): Identität, 3rd ed., Wiesbaden: Springer VS (in German).
4. Cf. Keupp, Heiner; Ahbe, Thomas; Gmür, Wolfgang; Höfer, Renate; Mitzscherlich, Beate; Kraus, Wolfgang; Straus, Florian (2008: 57): Identitätskonstruktionen. Das Patchwork der Identitäten in der Spätmoderne, 4th ed., Reinbek bei Hamburg: Rowohlt Taschenbuch Verlag (in German).
5. Cf. Keupp, Heiner; Ahbe, Thomas; Gmür, Wolfgang; Höfer, Renate; Mitzscherlich, Beate; Kraus, Wolfgang; Straus, Florian (2008: 58): Identitätskonstruktionen. Das Patchwork der Identitäten in der Spätmoderne, 4th ed., Reinbek bei Hamburg: Rowohlt Taschenbuch Verlag (in German).
6. Ernst 1996: 202; cited in: Keupp, Heiner; Ahbe, Thomas; Gmür, Wolfgang; Höfer, Renate; Mitzscherlich, Beate; Kraus, Wolfgang; Straus, Florian (2008: 58): Identitätskonstruktionen. Das Patchwork der Identitäten in der Spätmoderne, 4th ed., Reinbek bei Hamburg: Rowohlt Taschenbuch Verlag (in German).
7. Cf. Seiffge-Krenke, Inge (2012: 35): Therapieziel Identität. Veränderte Beziehungen, Krankheitsbilder und Therapie, Stuttgart: Klett-Cotta (in German). And: McAdams, Dan P.; McLean, Kate (2013: 235): Narrative Identity. Current Directions in Psychological Science, vol. 22 (3), pp. 233-238; online at: researchgate.net/publication/269603657 [accessed Feb. 23, 2022].
8. Cf. Lapsley, Daniel; Hardy, Sam A. (2017: 23): Identity Formation and Moral Development in Emerging Adulthood. In: Padilla-Walker, Laura M.; Nelson, Larry J. (eds.): Flourishing in Emerging Adulthood. Positive Development During the Third Decade of Life, Oxford: Oxford University Press, pp. 14-39.
9. Cf. McAdams, Dan P.; McLean, Kate (2013: 233): Narrative Identity. Current Directions in Psychological Science, vol. 22 (3), pp. 233-238; online at: researchgate.net/publication/269603657 [accessed Feb. 23, 2022].
10. Cf. Seiffge-Krenke, Inge (2012: 38): Therapieziel Identität. Veränderte Beziehungen, Krankheitsbilder und Therapie, Stuttgart: Klett-Cotta (in German).
11. Seiffge-Krenke, Inge (2012: 67): Therapieziel Identität. Veränderte Beziehungen, Krankheitsbilder und Therapie, Stuttgart: Klett-Cotta (in German).