Thoughtless criticism is often a knife straight to the heart. Negative talk has already destroyed too many people’s dreams and visions: “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” (Proverbs 12:18 NIV)

The purpose of feedback

People who give you feedback don’t mean you any harm. Ideally, they’re free consultants who care about your success and your growth. If you manage to take their opinion on board, you get the chance to see things in a different light, think them through again and, if necessary, change your mind. Whether the other person gives you new arguments for your position or shows you convincingly that you’re off the mark, you can only win!

But even the best and most justified criticism will fall on deaf ears if it hurts the other person. Nobody likes to hear criticism, even when it’s helpful. So I’d like to show you a constructive feedback example that lets your criticism shape a person’s growth instead of just putting them off. With these rules and methods, you can give constructive feedback:

Savvy feedback in four steps

1. Observation

Start every piece of feedback by describing your impressions, and really stick to your own perspective! Address specific points and deliberately phrase what you say as “I” statements. Don’t make assumptions about the other person. So not: “You ignored me!” but: “I didn’t get to speak once during the meeting.”

2. Interpretation

Think about why the other person might be behaving the way they are. Put yourself in their shoes. That also signals that the other person matters to you. Here too, don’t say: “That’s how it is!” Instead, share your thoughts: “I think you were really nervous because it was the first time you led the meeting.”

3. Feeling

Put into words what you felt. Speak openly about your feelings and say what the other person’s behavior triggered in you, for example: “I felt passed over, and like my opinion wasn’t taken seriously.”

4. Request

Now say openly what you would like to be different next time. Don’t make a demand; express a wish about their behavior: “I’d like you to include everyone in the conversation next time.”

This kind of feedback creates an appreciative culture of communication during a feedback round in a larger group. It lets you address things concretely in a relatively short time. When several people need to have their say, I would choose this kind of feedback. (Stefan Hänsch)

English version: October 2026