It’s day two of summer camp and you notice that one teenager somehow hasn’t really arrived and seems very unhappy in general. You wonder when the best moment would be to show them that they are seen and that they may share what’s weighing on them. The camp program rattles on relentlessly, but you find a moment when the others are taken care of and you can talk with the teen in peace. You take them to a quiet corner and begin.
#1 Find the right place for the conversation
Ideally, your team has already thought about this beforehand and prepared a place for pastoral conversations. This place should be discreet, but also visible to others. This rule is there to protect you. Even a made-up suspicion from a child or teenager can otherwise mean the end of your ministry. If that statement raises question marks for you, now is the time at the latest to engage with the topic of child protection and safeguarding. If a code of conduct and a background check weren’t part of your preparation for camp, contact your camp director and ask them to fill you in.
#2 Show empathy and create an open atmosphere
- Start the conversation with an empathetic remark like: “Hey _____, I noticed that _____. Would you like to talk about it?”
For example:
… that you’ve been on your own a lot.
… that you look sad.
… that the others often pick on you.
… that _____
- Show understanding for their emotions and make it clear that you are there for them by saying: “I’m here to listen to you and stand by you. If you want to talk about it, I’m happy to listen and I’m here for you.”
#3 Listen actively
If the teenager is struggling with emotional problems, listen to them. Avoid giving advice or telling them what to do to get out of their low. If they don’t explicitly ask for advice, just listen. Don’t interrupt them. This is not the time to evaluate or judge what they say. Show through body language and verbal affirmation that you are there and take seriously what they are saying.
- Listen with your ears: Stop talking yourself. Ask questions that show you are listening intently. Don’t give hasty answers. Don’t finish the teenager’s sentences for them.
- Listen with your eyes: Keep your eyes on the teenager. Don’t let your eyes constantly wander around. Don’t watch other people while you listen. Don’t look at your watch.
- Listen with your face: Be real with your feelings and let your face mirror the feelings of the person in front of you. If the teenager is sad, let your face and your heart react emotionally too.
- Listen with your hands: If it’s appropriate to hug the person, pat them on the shoulder or give them a high five, then do it! Pay very close attention to the other person’s boundaries.
Maybe you are the only person who is caring for this teenager emotionally that day. A hug (if appropriate) and a few encouraging words are a real way to show your honest interest and support: “Thank you for trusting me and for your courage in telling me this. That can’t have been easy.”
Affirm that you understand they are going through a difficult time, and praise them for their courage. Remind the teenager that you are there for them. Affirmation doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with the teenager’s assessment of the situation.
Affirmation is rather a means of communication that helps strengthen the foundation of the relationship between you and the young person.
#4 Ask more questions
- Try to avoid closed questions. Otherwise you’ll only get a “yes” or “no.” Ask open questions instead: “How do you feel about that?”, “What makes you angry?”, “What makes you sad?” and so on.
- If the teenager talks about specific topics that give cause for concern, encourage them to tell you more. Ask more questions to gain a deeper understanding. For example: “Can you tell me more about that? How exactly did that affect you?” “How long have you had this problem, when does it come up?”
Always look for the causes, never for the symptoms.
#5 Offer support
- Offer help and support by saying: “I’m here for you. If you need help, you can come to me anytime. You’re not alone.”
- Point out the option of talking with the camp counselors or pastoral care team. If you are a group leader or responsible for a group of teenagers because of your role, you won’t be able to have a pastoral conversation with every teenager in your group. That’s why a pastoral care offer at camp is essential to provide immediate help and support to camp participants (and to leaders too).
- Encourage the young person to take up the pastoral care offer. Make it clear that it’s normal to get help. If that is already part of your church culture, it helps.
A pastoral care offer at camp is essential to provide immediate help and support to camp participants (and to leaders too).
#6 Emphasize confidentiality
Assure the teenager that the conversation will be treated confidentially, unless there is a danger to their safety or the safety of others. Show that you will handle personal information respectfully and that they can rely on that.
#7 Point to Jesus in your conversation
- Jesus asked many questions, among them, “What do you want me to do for you?” We can turn that into, “What would you like Jesus to do for you?” or “What do you wish for from Jesus?” It’s not about you; it’s about Jesus and his authority in this situation.
- If the person in front of you doesn’t know Jesus yet, ask them, “Who is Jesus to you?”
Pastoral care and evangelism, passing on the good news of God, always go hand in hand.
It’s important to keep in mind that every teenager is different, and not every question or approach may be equally effective. Be patient, empathetic and respectful of the teenager’s boundaries. The goal is to build a trusting relationship and give them the opportunity to open up when they are ready.
English version: September 2026
