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# 10 Tips for Winning the Trust of Teenagers
- URL: https://thepulse.org/en/10-tips-for-winning-the-trust-of-teenagers/
- Published: 2023-06-21T11:17:16.000Z
- Updated: 2026-10-20T13:22:06.000Z
- Description: How do you win the trust of teenagers from day one and shape conversation and small group times so that they feel comfortable?
- Author: Esther Penner
- Tags: Articles, #target-leaders, #topic-mental-health, #age-teens

First things first: earn the right to be heard. Teenagers don’t care what you know until they know that they matter to you.

1. **Pray and listen to the Holy Spirit:** Don’t stress if you feel the conversation or small group time isn’t what you hoped for.
2. **Create a safe place** and trust the Holy Spirit to guide you. Give them the freedom to be. It’s not your job to push or, worse, manipulate the teenagers.
3. **Prepare the teenagers:** If there are teenagers in your small group who have been to camp before, take them aside before small group time and ask them to hold back and not give all the answers. Ask the teenagers who follow Jesus to help you by contributing.
4. **Read the atmosphere:** Ask the Holy Spirit to give you a sense of what is going on with the teenagers behind the scenes. Some of them are probably struggling with hard things. In the first conversation or the first small group time, it’s fine not to go too deep. Maybe some don’t want to talk at all. Give them the freedom to say nothing. Pay attention to how the conversation develops. In small group time, you can also end early and offer opportunities to talk afterward.
5. **Listen actively:** Pay attention not only to what is said, but also to what is between the lines. What might the participants want to say without saying it directly?
6. **Stay focused. Avoid outside distractions.** It’s important to keep eye contact and stay focused. Concentrate on the needs of the teenagers, not on your own agenda. Good listening doesn’t mean thinking about what you want to say next. It simply means listening.
7. **Accept the teenagers as individuals.** Show them that you aren’t afraid of what they tell you. They may test you with provocative statements to see how you react. In one conversation, a teenager asked a youth leader: “If I told you I was gay, would you still let me come to church?” Teenagers want to know whether they can really trust you. Behind their provocative statements and questions is an honest concern. They pay close attention to how you talk about others and can tell when you aren’t being honest.
8. **Encourage them to voice their thoughts.** Ask open and clear questions. Repeat their answers and ask for details. The more they talk, the more they will open up and reveal their real needs.
9. **Ask questions that fit the level of trust and the situation.** If a teenager in your group is crying, don’t ask, “How was the game?” Notice their emotion and share what you notice. Open the door with your question and let them decide whether they want to walk through it: “Would you like to talk about it?”
10. **Ask questions that explore thoughts and feelings, not just behavior.** “How did you feel when \_\_\_\_ said that to you?” Dive beneath the surface and try to find out what is really going on inside them.

ℹ️

This article was written by Esther Penner with content from the [Young Life Leader Blog](https://younglifeleaders.org/?ref=thepulse.org) and Doug Fields’ **Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry*. Edited by Priscilla Alvarez.

*English version: September 2026*

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